Thursday, February 21, 2008

"Losing It," by Kersten Campbell

Sometimes I lose my perspective. I am the kind of person who gets really excited over new ideas. My husband would say “nuts” but I would say excited. That is why, awhile ago when the Relief Society teacher talked about how much spirit and strength she felt when she immersed herself in the scriptures, I thought what I always think…”If a little is great, then a lot is even better!” So I decided that I would set a goal of reading the scriptures three times a day. In my excitement and fervor to seek the spirit that I so longed for, I forgot one minute detail: I have five kids.

But, true to my personality, I thought to myself. What? Details, Schmeetails! If the pioneer women could cross the plains barefoot with ten children and a handcart then surely I, with a mere five children and a washing machine to do my laundry could read the scriptures three times a day.

Ha! I underestimated my children.

“Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, moooooooom” called my four year old from her bed, just as I was sitting down in my comfy armchair to partake of the living waters.

“What?” I answered.

“I need a story. You forgot to read me a story.”

“Okay, fine.” I got up and read her a story. As I finally put the finishing flourishes on “The Three Bears,” and made for the door, I was assaulted with a barrage of questions from the next room: questions like,

“Moooooom, I’m hungry. Can I have ice cream in my bed?”

“Can you get me my blankie, Mommy?”

“Hey mom, is it true that raccoons lay eggs? ”

“Why is your face all wrinkled? Are you old?”

Finally, after an exhausting hour of fixing complaints I sat down heavily in my armchair. Aaaah.

Then I heard the screams. “Moooooooom, he kicked me.”

“Well, she was in my bed!”

“Was not!”

“Was too!”

With each “Was not” I could feel my blood pressure reaching the boiling point. This was ridiculous! Why could I not even sit down and read one minute of the scriptures, let alone three times a day? What about a mother’s inalienable rights? Isn’t one of them to be spiritually nourished so she doesn’t go out of her ever-living mind?

I prepared to give my kids a talking to. I stomped mightily down the hall, self-righteous in the thought that I must not let my rights as a person be trampled and disregarded. I had a right to obtain the spirit of God through reading the Holy Scriptures! And I wasn’t going to give it up!

Then a still small voice, mightier than all of my vehement determination stopped me in my tracks, literally. I was suddenly struck with the quiet thought: “You can obtain the spirit by serving your children too.”

Oh.

Meekly, I went in and comforted and tucked and kissed and coddled.

“Mommy?” I heard a quiet little voice whisper as I turned out the light.

“I love you.”

I don’t need to tell you that I was immediately flooded with the spirit I had so desperately been seeking.

Since then I have noticed something. That mothers are entitled to special blessings. And though we may not reach the towering spiritual standards we set for ourselves, we are involved in a holy, mighty, and sacred work that is crucial to the plan of salvation. And when we do our best, we may not reach perfection, but we cannot fail…because the Lord will make up the difference.

He will.

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